Trying not to let the devil get to me, trying to put on my big girl panties and snap out of it, but its hard. No one..... No one understands what kris is going through. Its hard to talk to anyone because they truly dont understand and and Im so tired of everyone saying It will happen just relax, or stop stressing.. ARE YOU KIDDING ME...... Can anyone just LISTEN and not say anything. I understand if you havent been through this or been through severe depression, but dont talk to me about it. You have no clue. Its not just about a baby... Of course that is another stressor of course we want a baby but I WANT MY HUSBAND TO GET BETTER..... thats my goal. I want him to be his self again. I want him to not go through all these horrible symptoms and just have one dr who really cares or take it serious. Im tired of being the strong one. im tired of carrying all this on my shoulder. Im not strong like some women.... im weak.. im sensitive. Im lonely. Im helpless. I am so tired of this feeling.
we go March 16th to the second opinion.... and im going to rip into this Dr and explain IM NOT LEAVING until this DR really listens and CARES.
Im not in a good mood today- I feel like God has givin up on me. What have we done so bad to deserve this.We got married, went to school and then tried for a baby... only to find out my husband has to go through all of this.... God blessed 18people.... YEs 18 woman that i know are pregnant right now, so why do all of them get blessed and we dont. I know I should be happy for them, and I am but its hard to know Gods plan. I just feel like God has given up on us... I feel so alone.
Im tired of putting on a fake smile to face the world. Im mad. Im angry and I am tired of not being normal anymore. I want to be happy again. I want to enjoy my husband and enjoy a 9 month pregnancy. Is that to much to ask for? REALLY
I think its hit me hard because Im not in school anymore, Im dont have alot going on anymore so its more time to think about it and research and dwell on all this.
I have faith in God, but right now Im angry. I want to be in that place of peace. The place where Im ok not knowing what the future holds, and that all my faith is in Gods hands and I dont have a care in the world. I want that more than ever. I have my good days and my bad days... but I want to be strong. Why cant I be strong
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