Happens every time....

Happen to turn the TV on to JOEL OSTEEN and of course yet again..... the message hit me. Guess God hasnt given up on me which makes me feel so much better....

Jesus said in John 14:27, “I am leaving you with a gift--peace of mind and heart. And the peace I give is a gift the world cannot give. So don’t be troubled or afraid.”
We all face difficult situations and seasons. It’s not a matter of if we face them, but when. And when we do, God has His gift of peace to sustain us and carry us through.
Like the eye of a hurricane offers a stillness and calm to those caught in the midst of the storm, God’s peace will keep you sustained, lifted, and encouraged during life’s adversities. There may be a raging storm today in your health, your finances or your family, but instead of being torn apart, you’ll find right in the center of your storm there is a place where you can stand still and find rest in God.
Are you facing a storm in your life right now? Receive God’s peace and let it sustain and empower you. As you do, you’ll experience a deep sustaining strength and confidence of God’s good plan for your life!

Could you imagine

Effects of low testosterone in men may include: (THIS IS FOR LOW TESTOSTERONE like around 250- so when your husband has 45-168 but it should be 800-1000.... just imagine how worse these symptoms really are, and EVERYTHING on this list he has..... How would you feel?


Poor libido (Low or NO sexual desire)
Fatigue- always tired...ALWAYS
Muscle loss/atrophy
Erectile Dysfunction
Increasing abdominal fat
Glucose intolerance (early diabetes)
High Cholesterol/Lipid
Poor sleep
Difficulty concentrating
Memory Loss
Severe Depression
Anxiety
Psychological and relationship problems
Gynecomastia (large breast with knots)
Hot flashes so strong you throw up
Loss of bone mass (osteoporosis)
Irritability
Infertility
Shrinking of the testicles
Decrease in firmness of testicles
Achy muscles
Liquid stools
Night sweats
Dry skin

Down and out

Trying not to let the devil get to me, trying to put on my big girl panties and snap out of it, but its hard. No one..... No one understands what kris is going through. Its hard to talk to anyone because they truly dont understand and and Im so tired of everyone saying It will happen just relax, or stop stressing.. ARE YOU KIDDING ME...... Can anyone just LISTEN and not say anything. I understand if you havent been through this or been through severe depression, but dont talk to me about it. You have no clue. Its not just about a baby... Of course that is another stressor of course we want a baby but I WANT MY HUSBAND TO GET BETTER..... thats my goal. I want him to be his self again. I want him to not go through all these horrible symptoms and just have one dr who really cares or take it serious. Im tired of being the strong one. im tired of carrying all this on my shoulder. Im not strong like some women.... im weak.. im sensitive. Im lonely. Im helpless. I am so tired of this feeling.
we go March 16th to the second opinion.... and im going to rip into this Dr and explain IM NOT LEAVING until this DR really listens and CARES.
Im not in a good mood today- I feel like God has givin up on me. What have we done so bad to deserve this.We got married, went to school and then tried for a baby... only to find out my husband has to go through all of this.... God blessed 18people.... YEs 18 woman that i know are pregnant right now, so why do all of them get blessed and we dont. I know I should be happy for them, and I am but its hard to know Gods plan. I just feel like God has given up on us... I feel so alone.

Im tired of putting on a fake smile to face the world. Im mad. Im angry and I am tired of not being normal anymore. I want to be happy again. I want to enjoy my husband and enjoy a 9 month pregnancy. Is that to much to ask for? REALLY

I think its hit me hard because Im not in school anymore, Im dont have alot going on anymore so its more time to think about it and research and dwell on all this.
I have faith in God, but right now Im angry. I want to be in that place of peace. The place where Im ok not knowing what the future holds, and that all my faith is in Gods hands and I dont have a care in the world. I want that more than ever. I have my good days and my bad days... but I want to be strong. Why cant I be strong

Ahhh let this be it

Ok so after a really long time researching different meds that can help kris, I called the RE and talked to the nurse and explained we cant afford 7200 dollars for 4 months of medication. So I said Ive been doing a little research and I found a breast cancer medication, tamoxifen that is also used to help sperm count and testosterone for men. She said yeah we carry it. I said well I would like to see if my husband can use that instead of menopur. She said she would ask the dr and get back with me. Well she called back the very next day and said the Dr said that was a great IDEA and good job with the researching. So the best part about this medication is... it does the same thing as menopur and clomid but INSURANCE covers it bc its a Breast cancer medication and not a Fertility medication... So i paid a whopping 12 dollars for a whole months supply of it.

Kris is still skepitcal which is understandable, but im just so proud of myself for researching this and also staying on top of the doctors.. ( tooting my own horn sorry) lol but i have a huge smile on my face... I really hope this helps... But we are going to a second opinion at a new ENDO dr office and Im going to bring this medication up. Usually ENDO doctors want to treat low testosterone with Androgel which didnt do much for kris and it killed all his sperm, so we are going to go in there explaining we want a medication that will WORK for kris but also allow us to have a family.

praying and hoping this is the answer...

Needs prayers

Talked to Dr. He ACTUALLY wants kris on 2 vials of menopur every other day for 4 months thats 120 dollars every other day.. not 60 as we originally thought..which was still expensive... thats a grand total of 7200 dollars.REALLY??? we dont have that... even if i saved forever we wouldnt have that... It like nothing ever goes right.. Nothing! Im still keeping the faith and know whatever happens, happens.... BUT its annoying how there is always a mountain in the way... ALWAYS...
I know everyone else has problems in this world too. but its seriously like everyone and i mean everyone is BLESSED with a healthy husband and is blessed with a baby...or two.
We are good people. ( Sorry Im in a really bad mood)

Nothing New.... Insurance wont accept Menopur.. UGH we need it to make Kris feel better and to get him producing more testosterone and more sperm. We are going to get a second opinion at another ENDO dr. I still dont understand how they havent done a CT on his abdomen just to check his adrenals and pancreas. I know Dr's have tons of patients but why cant you TRY really hard to figure out whats going on with kris, Why cant you want to FIX him right away.

When your at a kid birthday party and there is tons of newborns around and tons of kids running around and your husband tells you that he wishes you could be holding a baby too and that it kills him to see all these little kids, it really hurts your heart, as if its not already hurting... He wants to be a daddy so bad. Im so ready too. We talked about adoption some more and I really want to do it. Even if we have a child on our own, I would love to adopt. Maybe thats why we are going through this...to put that on our hearts. I even told my 16 year old cousin who goes to a highschool that has tons of teenage girls walking around pregnant...that if any of those girls dont want there babies, that i will adopt them and we can go through a private lawyer. Yes, I know, its bad.

Our Fertility dr is having a seminar feb 24th and is giving away a free IVF as a door prize.. Kris and I dont have much luck but we are willing to go and just pray really hard we get it. Even if we dont, atleast its going to someone who really needs it too. :)


BTW, I love love love my new job. Ahhhh the people are so awesome. have you ever went some where and just felt so right... these people are so cool and drama free and Love love love to work hard and also appreciate everyone.. Its just a different atmosphere than im used to and I actually enjoy going to work... haha.



Kris and I started the Love dare. We are on day 3. Its going good. :)
If you have never seen Fire proof. Go see it and do the love dare. Its for any couples.



we are still optimistic that something will go our way this year. Im learning to let go and let god. He has a plan and even though it drives me crazy that he wont let me in on it. I know that he wont let us down and he knows what he is doing and it gives me comfort knowing that. :)




http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xGPS8sa-bRQ&feature=related