DEAR SANTA

Please bring me a nice Positive pregnancy test! Im not asking for a new expensive watch that I will wear twice and then lose, im not asking for a closet full of new clothes (which I really need) Im not even asking for a new SUV that i so desperatly want.... I just would like one FREAKING Sperm to fertilize my egg. I think Ive been pretty good this year considering all the shit that has happend. Ive dealt with everyone around me getting pregnant and even showed excitment for them.... even though that can be hard to do expecially for the ones who dont deserve it AT ALL, Ive watched my husbands awesome,funny energetic personality die right there on the living room floor because he has no testosterone... Ive dealt with an immature stupid brat who lied so I wouldnt get the job I wanted more than anything.. Ive had to deal with a family who has never dealt with infertility and really needs to take a class on GIVING A SHIT. Ive dealt with people saying " it will happen" just relax" Dont think about it" and NOT once did I cuss them out! Ive watched my husband go through hell and back, poking himself with needles full of medication for the last 3 months, going back and forth to the Dr, Only to hear that he needs to go on even more expensive medication... REALLY SANTA can we catch a break??? We have been through a rough year, and All I can say is.... IM OVER IT! 2010 YOU SUCK. yes Im glad to be alive and that nothing truly tragic has happend, Im blessed for being healthy and having great people that are hear for us, Im thankful for alot in my life.. But this year really left me bitter. yay I graduated, one thing GOOD out of 2010.. Oh but wait I cant even find a F-ing Full time job so Nope... not that either.
Just one Miracle Santa.. Ill never ask for a single thing again. Please!

No news is good news.

Kris is still doing good! Still not 100% but he is slowly getting back to normal. He likes to go,go,go some days.:) I would say before he felt 20% and now he is at 60%... I just see a good change in his personality. Thank the LORD. Its been a long journey and even though we are not even close to being over, Positive news is such a blessing. Funny Story, I was gaining weight and thought..JUST WHAT IF I WAS Pregnant.... so I took a test, then put it on counter while I was brushing my teeth and it fell in the sink, and I looked at it..it had to lines. OMG I was freaking out... Took another one later and it said negative... took one the next morning and peed all over it and it didnt even show up the control line haha, So for about 4 days I was freaking out thinking OMG WHAT IF...until ol aunt flo came to visit... (bitch) i mean who gets false positives. Well... (waving hand) I do. UGH... haha it was horrible. I read up on false positives and I guess its called a Evaporation line maybe bc it dropped in the water, IDK I call it evil!! Seriously knew I wouldnt be, But a part of me didnt want to not have faith in God. I have a peace about everything, That doesnt mean it still doesnt hurt every now and then, but I know it will happen one day just not TODAY. I feel super Blessed with what I do have and know that When its time, it will happen. I made a CD that has a bunch of uplifting songs on it and a few 80's songs that make my day. ( I love love love the 80's) Anytime Im down, I listen to the Cd and Dance, then some songs I get out a good Cry, but its seriously a stress reliever. It helps me get through the day alot easier. Nothing new really going on. Still havent heard back from the Insurance Company about the expensive medicine. But hopefully it wont be to much longer. We are going to do a Sperm Analysis in January and see where we are at. Hopefully I stay in this peaceful mindset until then :)

On the right track...

So far so good. Since thanksgiving Kris has been feeling good. Not Great still, but good. Hot flashes here and there but no where near like before. YAY so glad. He has been in better moods and has had a little more energy. Still waiting on the appeal from the insurance company to go through so he can start on the other meds as well. Also I got another PRN job, this makes #3 haha. Baptist South Hospital. YAY im so excited. Feeling good about things and praising God like crazy.