Never let your praying knees get lazy....

Praying for my BFF at http://lyndsay-mclendon.blogspot.com/ to find peace in knowing God chose her to be Lucca's mommie for a reason. Because she is so special she can handle anything, Because she has so much love for lucca and knows how to be the best mommie EVER! Praying God fights this Chromosome Abnormality for Lucca and that Everything will be ok! :)

Praying everyone in this world is loved and knows what love is. Hoping that every child has parents or a gaurdian that loves them unconditionally.

Praying I pass the Registry!

Praying for a FULLTIME Job as a Radiologic technologist when I graduate.

Praying that All those affected by Infertility Gets a BIG FAT POSITIVE this year!

Praying that those who have lost a loved one in the past or recently... are at peace knowing God is with them every step of the way and there loved ones are in a WAY better place than we are.

Praying that people Smile and act out of kindness to one another and stop the violence and hurt.

Positive Polly vs Debbie Downer

Do you know how hard it is to come to work knowing you already put in your two weeks. Its the worst. Seems like the nights drag on and on and its so much harder to sit at this desk and put 100 percent into it! I really have the urge about ten times an hour to get up and leave,Just walk right out and not say a word. Do you know how good that would feel??? Expecially when my boss still comes up to my desk to make sure im doing everything the correct way, and tells me he hopes I dont make any trouble and hopes that he doesnt have to get on to me the last 2 weeks im here... REALLY Im 25 not 5. im not here but 5 minutes today and he walks up to my desk to make sure im about to start taking calls.... HELLO...MR NEW BOSS, ive been here 2 years and 3 months. I know what im doing... Ive got down how to answer a CALL in a callcenter. Im Top CSR with handle time at 1:47. Go talk to the others who havent quite mastered that, oh and the ones who DIDNT PUT IN THERE TWO WEEKS. OMG!
LAY OFF DORKY NEW GUY.

Im in a more peaceful place about the whole baby thing. I know it will happen when its time, Gods time! Im not to worried about it. I want to make sure we MAINTAIN Kris's health first. As bad as we want babies, and its SUPER bad, We arent going to pressure the fact at the moment. We arent NOT trying, but we arent going crazy over it... :)

Tiny steps closer........

I put in my Two week notice tonight at work. Ahhh and it felt so good! I really just want to walk out tonight and be done with it. But im going to be a good person and wait it out. I will have 5 weeks of LESS STRESS. 5 weeks of studying for the most important test in my career. 5 weeks to get prepared for a JOB. and 5 weeks till GRADUATION DAY! WOW never thought it would get here! Its been an emotional ride, A ride i never want to do again, but its taught me lots of things. Im proud of myself, its taken everything for me to go to school all day and then go to work all night, and barely get to spend anytime with kris, family and friends. I know there are tons of people who do this all the time, but it was so hard for me. Some days harder than others of course, but it emotionally and physically drained every ounce of energy from my body.I feel like my poor 25 year old body has withered away to an old ladies haggered body, ive gained 13 pounds which took away any self esteem i had.
ohhh and I made sure I complained every step of the way, and for that im sorry to all the people who had to listen to me bitch. I am forever grateful for Kristopher who has been such a great husband through the whole thing. If there is one person more happy to see me graduate and be done, its him! lol. We are both ready to live normal lives. To spend time together and start a family. To enjoy weekends off and vacations and to actually get to go to family fucntions together, and to be able to actually enjoy anniversaries and birthdays.. aahhh i cant wait!

I cleaned my house today, really cleaned it, which i havent done in a LONG time. So long that while i was dusting, im pretty sure half the dust went right up my nose. I have been sneezing and wheezing all day and cant stop. But hey my house is cleaned, that is an awesome task these days.

Finding out were on Gods time...

First and for most, the registry is in 7 weeks. Just writing that makes my stomach ball up in knots. Im studying but still feel like im not getting enough studying done, SO...here comes my next stressful event. Im going to quit my night job in two weeks so i can fully concentrate on studying. So once i leave the hospital at 4:00 its home i go to study instead of that wreched call center. Yes that is a wonderful thing, but it scares me to leave my financial stability. I mean, what if i dont find a job right away after i graduate... that leads straight to my next stressor... OMG What if there are no jobs out there when i graduate. I need a job, i cant afford to NOT work. Ive been in this program for two LONG years, and worked nights and weekends these two years and cant afford to finally be done and get more into debt.... Would you like me to keep going.... OK I WILL... on top of all this.. Im depressed. Some days im fine, some days im not. Most days i fake a smile but die inside and cant wait to get to my car to just CRY! This whole baby thing has made me lose it. I mean its so tough on kris, and I tell him everything will be ok, but i die inside knowing that his jerk doctor gave him bad medicine that will make it even harder for us to concieve. We have talked about IVF and Donor and even adoption just to be prepared for the worse. Ive been on countless baby forums looking for answers only to find hardly any success stories. My family tells me to be positive and have faith. My friends say just dont think about it, and it will happen. NO it wont. they dont understand its not that easy when your husband has been diagnosed with low testosterone. Hopefully kris can go back to the doctor soon to get on new medication that will help with his testosterone and also increase sperm count. At first when his testosterone levels came back, they were so low (40) that they thought he had a tumor on his pituitary in his brain... Luckly a week later the MRI ruled that out. Thank the LORD.. They finally said his testosterone quit producing on its own because of a accident that happend when he was 16. He was hit in his temple with a baseball. caused him to have siezures and he had a brain hemmorage and was life flighted to the hospital. They said usually after a traumic brain injury, several years later people can start having effects on testosterone or others things in the body. Sucks that after all this time of waiting to have a baby that at the EXACT month we have been waiting to try was finally here and WHAAAAM... the bad news comes! Why? WHY US. We are good people. I try to stay positive thinking maybe we will be that miracle and have a baby on our own, but other days i just cry and think it will never happen. We havent been trying long, but when the doctor gives your husband meds to boost your testosterone but in return it lowers your sperm count to ZERO.. its a major bummer. I have faith but it runs out every now and then. Cant really talk to anyone because they dont quite know where your coming from, nor do they want to hear time after time how negative you are...
I just hope that what ever gods plan is, he gives me strength to make it and accept what ever he has in store for us. I am a worrier...and I cant stop worrying! I just want to find peace in knowing it will all be ok, but i cant find it. I pray on it, I cry on it, but still havent found peace.