Scared to go

So Our First Fertility Dr visit is this tuesday. Im scared. I think Kris is too, but he says he isnt. I dont know what to expect, Im scared of what they will say. Will it be positive news, or will it be news that will crush us. I am glad we are moving ahead with this, but so freaking scared. Kris wanted wendys tonight, So it was a good chance for me to get out of the house and Cry. and yes I cried all the way there. I called my mom and she gave me the "faith" talk, which she is right and she told me what I needed to hear, instead of what i wanted to hear ...hmmm i guess thats where i get that from. But she said i need to give it all to God. She said I need to know God has my back and has a plan. Im a worrier and its so hard not to worry, and I now believe in stress eating, Ive gained weight in the last two years, stressed out with school, work , bills and more than ever, now about kris's health and our infertility scare. Ive always heard about it and didnt understand why people blame there problems on eating, but its true, it really is comforting, of course its not so comforting when i look in the mirror anymore but ill get there. Im just a hot mess right now. I met a few girls online who are going through this too, with male infertility and im glad to know im not alone, but i hate that they have to feel like we do. Im hoping and praying for them and also for our trip to the doctor on tuesday. Im hopeful and I have faith. Kris doesnt deserve this, he is a good man, a good person. We got married, i just graduated, we did right, it just seems so unfair, but then when i think that way, I always feel selfish, like it could be so much worse. So I try not to look at it as WHY kris.

I just wish there was a crystal ball that can show me the future, just for a split second to show us with a family. Thats all Ive ever wanted. I even had a dream the other night I delivered a baby boy and took him home, and was so mad because no one took hospital pictures. lol Funny but it was such a real dream.